- (no subject)
- July 22nd, 2008
everyone wishs they could say that their life is going perfect, but to say this would only be lies. no ones life is perfect. not even mine. i've been going through a very hard time right know, everything seems to be put on my shoulders, i have to worry about everything. and sometimes it gets to be to much. about a year ago i found that cutting myself made all that worry and pain that people were causing me go away even if just for 3 seconds. i did it about four other different times, maybe more i don't remember, never to much that i had to go to the hospital. and two days ago i went on the internet and went on my myspace page, people sent me e-mails asking if i knew my pictures were up on other sites, there was nothing in the pictures that are bad or anything its just that there my pictures. as some people say its the straw that broke the camels back. so many things had been going on weeks before and finding out that someone had gotten my password even though it was very small, it hurt me alot so when my mom was laying down i went in the bathroom, got an old plastic razer and started cutting my arm. i'm not proud of what i did, it not only hurt me but my mom thought that maybe i had done it becasue of her, which hurts the most because i love her so much, she was the reason i stoped. now i can't look at my arm without feeling ashamed. everytime i look at my arm i can see all the nicks and cuts. i try to hide my arm from people when me and my mom went shopping i didn't want them to look at me weird. even though i was hiding my arm i still felt like everyone somehow knew. this time was different then all the other times because when i was cutting myself the feeling that the worry and the pain people had been causing me didn't go away, not for a second, i still felt all te pain and the worry that people were causing. i wish i could say that for sure i know this is the last time that i will ever do this but that's what i thought last time, so i guess i can't say that.